Has an idea you’ve had ever excited you so much that you just had to share it with someone? Most people tend to share their deepest thoughts and feelings with individuals within their circle of trust and love. Oftentimes, whether fairly or unfairly, the person with the idea expects a mutually enthusiastic response. The belief is, if you can explain your idea successfully and get the response you are looking for from others then you know you’ve hit on something big, which in turn provides the validation and encouragement you need to pursue your idea.

The reality is, that there are times when those conversations don’t go as expected and we leave discouraged and disappointed. The excitement you once had suddenly turns to fear as you begin to consider the reasons presented to you as to why you cannot succeed. How did your dream devolve from such an exciting possibility to a gloomy reality?

Let’s for a brief moment examine three parts of the mental process that occurs between the birth of an idea in your own mind to the verbalization of it to someone whose position in your life you value and then to the negative response you may receive from that person. I have characterized this mental process as the ‘Dream Killer’!  Dream killers are those things, thoughts, and yes even people in your life whose negativity suck the life and excitement out of a new idea and replaces it with fear and doubt.

1) People: The need for other’s approval can stop a dreamer in their tracks! It’s difficult to get other people who didn’t receive the dream excited about a new idea. Even our loved ones, though well-meaning, subconsciously project their own fears and insecurities onto you and your idea and conjure up every reason why your idea is a bad one. You may want to reconsider the people with whom you divulge the details of newly formed ideas in order to avoid this type of dream killer. Here are a few ways to elicit the right motivation from the right people:

i. Start with people who don’t know you as intimately as your loved ones. Sometimes strangers who don’t have any preconceived biases about your abilities can be the best people to talk to. I know this may seem counter-intuitive, but people who don’t know you on the level of your family or friends are sometimes more likely to believe in the best of you. It has been my experience that these individuals tend to listen more and lecture less! They have even been a source of encouragement when they shared their own life story or the testimonials of others who achieved something similar.

ii. Have a plan and thoroughly consider your Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats also called a SWOT analysis. Leverage your conversations with others about your dream as an opportunity to bounce ideas and really hone in to develop a solid framework for the execution of your idea. The more you talk about your dream with savvy persons who have no personal agenda and minimal prejudice, the clearer your dream will become. Again, this technique is only helpful when you are talking to people that encourage both creative and critical thought. As they engage you in conversation about your idea, allow this interaction to aid you in your process of fleshing out the particulars of your idea. Always be open to others questions because they may reveal new perspectives that you had not previously considered.

2) Doubt: We can have a dream that we believe in but doubt our ability to execute it. We can easily envision someone else doing it but for some reason cannot picture ourselves as that someone. Somewhere along the way in our life we develop a poor outlook of our abilities. This may be due to real and existing challenges that we face or it may be simply just a lack of experience in the area of our pursuit, but either way, this is just another dream killer! Your disadvantage does not define you! As the saying goes, ‘where there’s a will there’s a way’, the question is do you have the will!?

Consider the following as you try to summon your will to tackle a new challenge:

i. Push for success – A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step! Take the first step towards your goal, which may appear insignificant at first, but, try to start with something simple and then once you accomplish that first thing, you gain the necessary momentum to tackle the bigger challenges.  The more wins you accomplish the more confidence you build and the stronger your will becomes.

ii. Kill self-pity. You don’t have time to look backwards unless it’s to learn from your mistakes! Failures are simply learning and growth opportunities. Self-pity will suck you into a world of depression and anxiety. Learn to look at things from a different vantage point and recognize how fortunate you are compared to others. Setbacks happen to the best of us, the key however, is how we handle them. As a popular saying goes, “a Setback is just a Set Up for a major Comeback!

3) Reality: The truth is that reality can be its own dream killer! You may find that your bank account does not share your excitement or that others have tried and failed at the same thing. Sometimes you must muster the courage and declare “D@m* the torpedoes!” in the face of a gloomy reality. Chasing a dream is a major faith step and is not for the faint of heart. There are certain situations that call for taking a chance and betting on yourself even though the way seems dark and is littered with all sorts of obstacles. American hero, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. pursued a dream that many at the time said was impossible and foolish. What if Dr. King succumbed to the naysayers, what would the world be like today!?

Consider the following ways we can defy reality:

i. Just like the Wright Brothers chose Kitty Hawk North Carolina because of its soft sand that would hopefully cushion the impact of a crash landing you too should consider choosing an opportunity and approach that should failure occur will not be totally devastating. Do what ever you can to minimize the risk but don’t let anything keep you from taking that risk! Everything in life has risks associated with it, just keep the potential reward in view.

ii. Leave a legacy for the next generation. Think about the heroes of history and even the people in your own circle that you admire. Their quest to change the future for not only themselves but for others has benefited scores of people. In your pursuit of your dream, recognize that you have a responsibility to others as well. Always try to leave something behind for the next generation to use to start their journey. Look beyond yourself and consider the impact of your dream upon those who come behind you.

These are just a few tips to get you started on your journey. Get excited about life and take a step back to appreciate what you have been blessed with. If you are in the North Alabama area and are looking for a counselor please check me out at https://www.facebook.com/atouchofpeacecounseling/or call me at 256-334-9572 to set up an appointment today.